On The Gay Community: Bears, Rainbows and Rejection

The entire core of the gay community is built on fear and rejection.

While the outer image of the LGBT culture may be one of self-expression and fabulous self-love, as social researchers, we learn to dig deeper – to the core, for answers.

So, why the rainbows, songs of ‘expressing yourself’ and obsession with body image? Cos, gays are fabulous and fun, silly!

Here are some alternative theories, gorgeous;

The gay community expresses itself because it’s been taught not to – For years of hiding, from your parents, teachers, community leaders, friends, and previously, law enforcement, what glitters today reveals what was once beige and discreet.

The gay community fights for bodily control because for years it’s all it could control – Just as the anorexic starves the body during times of external chaos, and through fear of the uncontrollable process of growing up, the gay man crafts the body as the one constant he can control. When society is screaming orders at you, your body becomes your tool of empowerment.

The gay community fights for identity for years of invisibility – Identity becomes the catalyst for change. In order to free something from oppression, you first must label it to identify it as such; Bears, Twinks, Jocks and Daddies are a labelling system born out of bodily control meeting identity politics. What appears cute self-expression obscures a heart fighting for freedom, visibility and self-governance.

The gay community fights for acceptance – The adoration of the straight man in gay porn doesn’t just get our cocks hard, it gets our hearts racing, for the sense of acceptance that comes from realising the kids who were different from us in school are not so different from us after all. Those first men we desired who rejected us as they were ‘not gay’ didn’t need to be gay, and maybe, just maybe, we could have had them all along.

The reality is; what appears a culture of fun and freedom rests atop a foundation of resistance and reaction. Reaction to a world that has historically rejected us, and resistance to a world whose ideals don’t quite fit our own.

Just as women wear high heels in the boardroom, because creating a pleasing spinal curvature that signals increased reproductive ability matters in, uh, business –even when power and control is achieved in the present situation, the remnants of a history that came before us remains alive at our core.

Where glitter rainbows shine today once stood the beige of discretion. Where sculpted bodies adorn our shop windows, a child once escaped a home that wouldn’t have him, in a desperate search for control over an environment that was not his own, and where campy pop hits and drag queens litter the strip of the gay capital, once stood a tavern where men would hide out back in fear of the next police raid barging through to put a stop to their expressions of lustful sin.

Progress has been wild and grand, and immensely successful for many, but the core will take far more love and understanding to wipe it clean than any one movement is ever able to provide. That is the development of insight and understanding that comes only with the kind of soul-searching, inclusive community building and creative story sharing that so often these structures distract us from pursuing.

Author The Sex Researcher

Researcher looking at our bodies, relationships, and sex lives in the digital age.

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